Published on July 20th, 2013 | by Miss Be Fit12
Changes and Moving Forward
*You may have noticed a shortage in new workout videos in the last while. Below is a little post I decided to write, to explain. The good news is that a full on assault of fitness & nutrition videos and posts are coming soon! For those of you who hung in there, sweating to my previous vids, love love love to you! 😉
This morning while catching up on emails and FB, a friend’s post caught my eye:
“When something goes wrong in your life, just yell ‘PLOT TWIST’ and move on…”
This immediately resonated with me and gave a well needed injection of humor into what has turned out to be a most tumultuous year for me.
For years I have had a steady, reliable wonderful life, that I will always be grateful for every day. Of course, like everyone else, my life was not and is not perfect. I’m human, flawed, like the best of us are, and as most of us know, things inside aren’t necessarily what they appear to be on the outside. But after so many years of keeping calm waters, I realized I was not growing as a person, and decided to leap into the deep. I don’t know what it is about me, I don’t really like change too much, it’s a genetic thing I think ;), yet I know change is good. Throughout my life I have been forced to change by some unforeseen or unexpected event and for me, that’s the worst. So, this time I decided to make the changes myself.
I have made some of the scariest decisions of my life in the last year, perhaps regrettable, perhaps not. I plucked myself out of a life of comfort, and plunged into a life of unknown. And yes! There are days I wonder what the hell I’ve done, and moments where I would love nothing more than the comforts of my past. But in those times, I have learned the most about myself and about others in my life. I have learned who I love, who loves me, and what I’m truly grateful for. I have learned humility, acceptance, imperfection, and letting go. And most of all, I have learned all about moving forward regardless of what others think. I never realized how much importance I had placed on other people’s opinions of me and how my life should go. That led me onto a path of fear of being honest with people because they may not like my decisions or may see me as weak. That led me to a huge fear of trust and intimacy with friends and others, not being able to share what was going on for me, but always being the ‘listener’ instead.
My decisions may not have been the right ones in others’ eyes, but I believe I am where I am supposed to be right now. And when I believe this, I know I have made the right choices for myself. I have learned to rebuild, and accept, and forgive. At this point, my relationships are stronger, more open and honest. I feel a new and stronger love for those who have supported and been with me for so many years. The fear I once had to let others see who I really am is slowly dissipating which enables me to have more meaningful relationships with others. It also allows me to be more choosy as to who I expend my energies on.
So here I am now, just here, moving forward. Living in Cannes instead of Paris. As much as I love Paris, here there is less noise, less pollution, more sunshine, more space, and I love the feeling of the salty Mediterranean in the air. I have learned that I thrive best in this kind of environment. I can wake up to the sun rising over the sea, sparkling like diamonds, I can practice yoga in the fresh air, run along the ocean, and play with my dogs on the beach at the end of the day. I can buy the most amazing, colorful, local produce at my the outdoor market at the end of my street and nourish myself from the inside. I can breathe, feeling a warmth and a space now that allows me to hear myself. All things I loved about living in Mexico. After a long, cold ,wet, dark winter of life changes filled with major ups and downs and more tears than I care to think about, this is exactly where I need to be. I know, down the road, I will probably end up in Mexico again, as a big part of my bohemian heart lies in Tulum, but for now, this is where I’ll thrive. So until the next ‘PLOT TWIST’, I’ll be practicing on letting go of the past and living right now, trying my best to be present in each moment, moving foward…